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[09 Jul 2009|11:47pm] |
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I don't understand myself
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[02 Jun 2009|09:57am] |
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i guess i was wrong again.
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[28 Feb 2009|11:28pm] |
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getting caught in the rain or maybe it was snow, jasmine rooibos tropia relaxation tea, zambala relaxation incense, an easy read, new underwear, a cigarette, a single bulb lit in a cold room, zines and comics, listening to bad indie music
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[18 Feb 2009|05:01am] |
i was kinda bummed because of my relationship status and my incapability to maintain a relationship longer than several months and then i had dream about this guy that i like and thought i was crazy about him and it ate me up all day yesterday, but then tonight i had a dream o a bachelor reality tv show where the bachelor went through the process of finding his true love and at the end, when he did find her, they exchanged love letters/and questions and he said something really profound about something like "what is true love", so while they were writing down the answers to the questions, the bachelor started singing peacebone by animal collective, really gettting into it and stuff and the girl was like, "what i dont know this song" but he ignored her and continued singing, showing his lack of affection for someone so dumb.
and then i woke up from my dream in my dream at around 5am to see my brother and mother getready for work and school. i drank a redbull and called up my freinds, which are the ones i never see anymore and still care about (helen and zack and rose (lee)) we found a party to go to, so we went and we found out soon/later that this party was a matchmaking party, so a dude gave us all roses to give to someone else and as much as i tried to give it to my friend zack, he refused, and then i tried giving it to my other friend and he refused it, as they were looking for others to give their roses making me feel very left out. but then i looked at my rose, and then at theirs and my rose was the most beautiful rose out of all of theirs, as mine was colorful and red, and theirs were pale and green. soon the man called "times up" and me and my friends hadn't given anyone their roses, and they were all apart of this plan not to do something this stupid and shouted about it, as did i, even though i put in my effort. we raided the beers and stole back our money, climed through a window to get to the peir and there, was the most beautiful sight. i was with with the most beautiful people. the skieswere clear and the ocean's waves were harsh. it was warm outside, but one of my friends wanted food and so we went to burgerking to get some veggie burgers and they were pretty good, yeah.
i woke up so now i'm awake at 5am like in my dream.
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[09 Dec 2008|09:14pm] |
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i'll just fall asleeep
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[07 Oct 2008|06:11am] |
6 days in and little sleep, crusty eyes, and a stiff neck reminds me of times of searching for trouble just to feel alive. listening to cameo's playlist reminds me of sneaking onto buses to catch rides home from new york, sleeping on cold kitchen floors, and Wendy's. I feel chlorine in my sinuses, but after school today i'm going to sticky fingers and eat some real good vegan baked goods, perhaps reflect on all of this, because i dont know what to make of it.
what did me in were those naps at the sculpture garden, on the lawn, watching the sunset, feeling awful, and then finally giving in. I'm so sure of permanence right now. i'm so sure that i'm sacrificing a lot. not having a phone, nor a watch confirms it. the future doesnt exist because we are never in the future (or the past) we are in the present! but that is also another scary notion...
fall back plans.
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[04 Oct 2008|05:16pm] |
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i know its not that cold but i'm really cold!
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[27 Sep 2008|03:19pm] |
i scroll this thing over and over again without anything new on my part
hoping to be impressed
with the empty,
mostly.
i love to read i love to write, i love to drw i love to paint, i dont know about music. its going alright, i guess.
things just arent working out for me this weekend.
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[22 Sep 2008|05:55pm] |
i've felt very loney lately. but thats another story
i'm too weak to carry down my wardrobe
what am i getting at
oh yeah, thats why i hate posting live journal entries
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[17 Sep 2008|08:19pm] |
i would
have to thank
life
at this moment
for the sucker punch
that i have so
]graciously
accepted.
i have grounded
but it
fucking sucks
my feelings arent grounded whatsoever.
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[05 Sep 2008|09:47pm] |
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also, i beat myself up for missing portraits of past
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[05 Sep 2008|09:44pm] |
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i am putting together a sketchbook with personal thoughts and drawings, and once i reach the point of making five, i'm going to travel for a little bit and give away these sketchbooks to 5 random strangers that i think may appreciate them.
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[08 Aug 2008|10:58am] |
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happy 08/08/08
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[27 Jul 2008|10:10pm] |
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there is so much that i'd like to say right now!
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[19 Jul 2008|01:40pm] |
sometimes i lay in the dark and my lungs feel like a three hole punched college rule piece of paper. sometimes my fingers feel like wax and sometimes your heart feels good (wait thats a modest mouse reference). sometimes i know that i'm not normal, and sometimes i forget to correct myself. other times i stay the same like shaved legs and a lonesome stray hair on my knee. other times i listen to caribou and my heart melts. other times i compulsively buy things with out consoling. this time things will be twisted panty-wise.
i am dry and i asked if he remembered he said no.\\\
come to my swap party!
sunday
4pm-9pm
6403 Birchleigh Circle
Alexandria, VA 22315
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[21 Jun 2008|11:16am] |
you exist!
i'm so damn lucky that i previously thought the filter ended a little further away then it actually does.
http://kristina-pham.blogspot.com/
it's a lot more interesting
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[17 Jun 2008|11:02am] |
..and thus i slowly evolve into a creature only known to G-D, the nonexistent G-D, which incidentally makes myself nonexistent, also a word my mother used over and over and over again to describe a certain person, previously a hole in my photo album. It certainly sticks to my skin like a mosquito with a mission, but it is only boring, there is no response or remorse or revenge or repudiation. things are now boring once again, and i sit in my bed with something i've made up which is called morning insomnia. i feel inhuman not being able to sleep in, or sleep for a significant amount of time, though it pesters me, i know it's nothing to complain about. i've had many opportunities handed to me to complain, but i only want to complain to one person, who i can't complain to, and i want him to see my cry and see me weak. what is it about forbidden love, like train hopping and smashing the state and being 17 that makes forbidden love so attractive? i think i'm in love.   the mixed tape i made kyndra, |
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[26 Feb 2008|05:07pm] |
i'm hurtin' for one
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